#30DaysOfThanks Day 14: Real Tough Change

I took another day off work because this head cold situation is rocking my world, and not in a good way. I spent the majority of the day horizontal on the couch because I tried to do too much yesterday and that did me no favors. I have watched all 22 episodes of Blacklist and I now am so upset that I can't watch any of season two until sometime next year because I don't have cable and I don't know how to do technology things now that I no longer work for AT&T. (If you hold the keys to this magic, please enlighten me.) Other than binge watching fugitives catch and kill other fugitives all day, the only significant thing that I did was go to the pharmacy and help this little old lady at the counter with info on how to choose a new drug plan. It was uneventful.

It wasn't until this evening, when I saw a picture of myself that I wasn't thrilled with, that anything really tugged at me emotionally. One thing I struggle with in my life is my body image. It's been a struggle for me all my life. When I was in high school, I was involved in everything under the sun and was very active and thin. Through college and the ins and outs of figuring out this adult life and the differences at which each of us experience it, the struggle has once again reared it's ugly head. Please understand, I am writing this in an effort to identify with those readers out there who may be dealing with the same. I'm not certain if any of you wonderful people struggle with this, but I know it's nice for me to be able to read about a struggle that an author deals with and identify with it because it means I'm not the only one. Maybe that sounds terrible, like I'm wishing pain on others just so i don't feel alone in my dealings ... but that's not at all it. I hope to present myself in a real light in everything that I write. And that includes this very real struggle.

It doesn't own me. I think if you were to take a poll of the people who talk to me and meet with me on a daily basis, you would not get answers that have anything to do with my personal body image struggle. I'm confident in who I am and I love what I do, so I would hope that people would say that I exude a gracious confidence ... not a body image problem. This is something that I internalize and have for quite some time, but I feel that now is the time to confront it and be real about it with people so that maybe people can be real about it with themselves. An amazing friend of mine said these wonderful words to me tonight and it sparked a desire to change that may be the loudest thing that these stopped up ears have heard all day. He said to me, "I hope you can be a person on the outside that the person on the inside can be proud of so that you don't have to suffer the burden of a diminished self image." This friend wasn't agreeing with my complaints of myself, but he did understand that they were feelings that were real to me and I really thought that those were the kindest words he could've spoken (or typed) in that moment.

So I'm at the crossroads of what is likely to be a real tough change. And I'm certain that there are people out there who may someday read this and be at their very own change crossroad. Your impending change may have nothing to do with body image, but then again maybe it does. One thing we all need to get REALLY real about is that this is not going to be easy. As a matter of fact, at times things might be really tough. So tough, in fact, that we will want to throw our hands up in defeat and settle back in to our comfort zone. Let's be a people that lift each other up and challenge people not to stop going after their dreams. Dreams are dreamt for a reason, and we all have the power to make our dreams come true. If something is important to you or to a friend of yours, speak life into it! Encourage them! Lift people up! Change NEVER HAPPENS IN OUR COMFORT ZONE. We have to be willing to step out of our realm of was is comfortable to us to ever discover what is on the other side of our fears.

Part of my mission with this platform is to speak life and encouragement into the hearts and lives of the readers. But also, I'm challenging myself to break down my walls of rigidity to share with you my struggles. I tend to try really hard to put forth this idea that I have it all together. Recently I've had friends come to me and say things like, "You just get life," or "You just have it all together, don't you." And the answer is a resounding, "NO." I'm 27, single, and working in a career that I love and I'm out here trying just as hard to figure out life as the next girl. What's crazy to me is that people can see me and think that about me, while in my head I'm thinking "OH MY LORD HAVE MERCY, SELF. GET IT FREAKING TOGETHER." But comparison is a subject for another blog entry.

Know that the girl behind the keyboard struggles in similar ways that you do. Know that with the help of the almighty helper, we can all get through this, whatever it is. Know that I pray for you. And to take a line from my favorite, Mandy Hale, "Even if you don't know Him or love Him (yet.) I am praying you do. Or that you feel inspired to get to know Him. He's so wonderful. But even if you don't and you're thinking to yourself how you wish I would cool it with the spiritual ramblings ... know that I love you, too ... and I am always praying for each one of you. So God knows you even if you don't know Him, because I talk to Him about you all the time. :) Sleep well, my beauties ... knowing you are loved."