He Even Loves My "Ugly Cry" Face

"Sing to Him, sing praises to Him; meditate on and talk of all His wondrous works and devoutly praise them!"

- 1 Chronicles 16:9

You know, it's funny how things come together. Earlier this week my dad and I were talking about why we loved going to the Church at Brook Hills and listening to Rick Ousley preach. It was the first ever real life experience that I had ever had with worship. Just standing up with everybody else singing a worship song and tears started streaming down my face at age ten. It scared me slap to death ... I didn't understand? I grew up in a very traditional Methodist church and had not ever been to a contemporary worship service and SURELY had never even IMAGINED somebody raising their hands in worship. What was that about? Were they putting on a show? Weren't they SO embarrassed? What about that dude over there standing up by himself when the rest of the congregation is sitting down singing? Completely alien to me ... this idea that the Spirit can completely overcome you and you can't help but step outside of your comfort zone and surrender your inhibitions in awe of a risen savior. Traditional Methodist worship is very liturgical - stand up, sit down, stand up & sing, sit down and sing, stand up and repeat after the preacher, sing, sit down. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and that type of worship speaks directly to the hearts of some, and I think that's wonderful. I never understood what it meant to have a "heart of worship" until I experienced my first contemporary service. 

 It's funny just how many conversations that I've had regarding worship with other people this week. I was talking to a co-worker today and she was talking about a prayer that she fervently prayed in her car recently. "Ryn, I swear to you ... I was balling my eyes out and my entire car was fogged up because the Holy Spirit was in my car with me at the moment." Another friend and I talked about how she just didn't really care for contemporary worship and that she would just really rather go to a traditional service. Another person that I work with talked about just how much the Easter program brought into perspective what Jesus did for him.

I think worship is the most important thing in our walk with God. Worship comes in SO many forms. What do you do with your free time? How do you pray? What about our quiet time? What about your worship at church? I think it's so important to be fervent in whatever it is that we do. Completely immersed in Him. Because it's in that type of worship that God seems to physically inhabit all the space around you and actually be with you as you stand in awe of Him. I have chills right now writing this just recalling some of the times that I've felt Him all around me.

Unfortunately ... I look completely unfortunate when i worship. I get that ugly cry face thing going on and those hands go up and that's just all she wrote. It took me so long to get to that point. I had to become comfortable in my worship. I still struggle with it. Sometimes it takes me a while still to loosen up. God loves me anyways though. Which is just the most amazing thing ... that despite all He's done for me He still waits for me to be comfortable in my worship to Him! But that's when the magic happens. When I'm finally able to completely surrender myself and my inhibitions to Him and His majesty, something surrounds me like a shield and it's like I can't be shaken. And even in that "ugly cry" state, that same living savior that died in my place so many years ago reminds me that even though I'm not perfect and definitely completely undeserving of His amazing love ... it's there and it's not going anywhere. That all encompassing, unconditional, unfailing love is MINE. No matter what my day holds, that love is still there. No matter what I go through, that love doesn't ever leave me. Even on days like today when I get SO entirely frustrated with the public, I'm brought back down to earth through a single song. "The Great I Am." Put me in my place REAL QUICK, you got me? When I was feeling frustrated because other people don't value the same things as me or maybe just ill with the lack of care people have for life in general and it seemed to give me this "holier than though" type outlook on the day, He slapped this song on my "videos we recommend for you" on my YouTube feed. It brought me to my knees. Literally in tears so thankful that God is bigger than all my problems and that He holds me so gingerly in His hands that I forget I'm there. I'm so thankful that He knows when to be silent, when to speak, and when to shove something in my face to let me know He's got me and He's not letting me go.