A lesson in waiting.

It was raining and it was cold and her baby was sick. I sat in my car waiting on an open gas pump and I watched her bundle her snotty nosed, sick, crying baby and run inside with him to get something that I assumed was medicinal in nature. I'm not sure what exactly she bought, but it didn't matter. She came running back to her car, sick baby still in tow, as I was fueling my car with the last few gallons it needed and I noticed her hurry. It was a frantic sort of hurry, like something was seriously not right. I contemplated going over to see if I could help but also didn't want to make an already frantic mother feel as though she LOOKED as out of control as she probably felt. So I continued fueling.

What happened next taught me a lesson in waiting, and in grace, and in speaking up. I stood there continuing to fuel my car and an angry man pulled up behind her. Now, before I continue let me paint a picture for you of what this gas station looked like. It's Christmas Eve Eve, it's 3:30 pm, and it's an industrial district ... which translates to ... it's the day before a holiday, people are just now leaving their shifts at work, and they need gas to prepare for their Christmas travels. There wasn't a single pump open at this major truck stop, but she wasn't the only person that this man could've pulled up behind which makes this lesson seem even more like it was meant for my eyes.

At this point the lady with the sick baby had already strapped her baby in his car seat and was sitting in her car, but turned around trying to help her little one who was throwing up nonstop. After the impatient man had sat in his ugly blue truck for about a minute, he got out and proceeded to slam profanity against the pavement and wave his arms around in an effort to declare his irritation to the masses. He approached her car window and banged on it as loudly as he could and startled the woman half to death. "YOU GOT YO GAS, NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GET GAS. I GOTTA GET GAS TOO, YOU KNOW! (Insert profanity here.)" She tried explaining to him that her baby was sick but he wasn't having it. Grumpy ol' Blue Truck sat his little impatient rear end back in his little ugly blue truck and waited another minute before he started blaring his horn once more.

This time as he approached her vehicle with his profanity and flailing arms, a very nice man came out of nowhere and approached him as politely and sternly as he could. "Sir, I understand that you need to get gas but she is all by herself with a sick baby and she's really struggling in there. Give her a little bit more time. She doesn't want to be sitting here any more than you do." I'm so glad he was courageous enough to be the one who stepped up, because he did it with so much more grace than I would have. I wanted to put that man in his place and make him feel lowly for how he was treating her. But what the random man did was to explain the situation and diffuse the anger that had built up in the impatient one.

I learned so much just from sitting there and watching this all unfold. I learned that people are going to inevitably be in your way at the most inopportune times, but also that even the people in your way may not want to be in your way. What you view as the advantage in their position that is "ahead" of you, may look to them like disaster. Try being patient and graceful in your approach. But I also learned that the way to approach someone who isn't handling a situation the right way or maybe someone who is really making a jerk out of themselves, isn't to rise to their level of discontent ... but rather to meet them with a calm, stern, steadfast spirit that actually has the potential to smother their fire rather than kindle it.

Dearest Lovers of Loved Ones Lost,

You. Oh my, you. You are a soul that forges through the worse trenches, lost in the weeds of life that make less and less sense without whomever it is in your life that you've lost. But still, you forge. I am enamored and so humbled by your courage and your beautiful smile that you somehow seem to crack even as the weight of the world and the "what ifs" smother every breath you seem to have to fight for. I can't imagine your pain, but I wish I could wear it for you. I wish I could lift that weight off of your tired soul and allow you to float and once again feel all the beautiful things that life offers to you ... like the breeze through your hair, or the smell of wet grass, or join in on laughter with friends that really comes from somewhere deep and leaves you with real tears on your cheeks, or hear the birds conversing in the most lovely tones, or even just to feel how perfect your breath flows in and out of your mouth and that it would serve as a reminder that your life is still beautiful. I want to celebrate you and your courage and the way you meet every day with purpose when the thing you might really want to do is cry in a dark room all day. And sometimes you might cry all day in a dark room, and I want you to know that that's an okay thing too. I pray you let your soul feel whatever emotion that it needs to feel in whatever moment it needs to feel it, and I pray that you allow yourself to pull yourself to another level of grief once one passes, and that eventually grief becomes a distant memory. I want you to know that the absence of your dearest soul doesn't negate the importance of YOUR soul and it's health and happiness.

I can't do these things, but dear Soul I sure wish I could. To liberate you from your pain would be my greatest joy. Being but human, I could in no way harness the power to do such. But please know that the same creator that breathed life into you still cradles you and longs for your heart to be whole again. Have you questioned Him? Good, that means you've acknowledged His almighty power and ability to do all things. Have you cursed Him for taking your love from you? Does it make you feel like maybe you wouldn't be allowed or welcomed back into His presence? Please know this: He has never left you. You are His beautiful creation that He wants to smother in love and suspend your heavy heart in an atmosphere of hope.

Please be proactive in celebrating the life that you so loved. I pray your heart is prepared this Christmas season to be incredibly happy that beautiful memories flood to the forefront of your mind. Be happy because it means that your soul has been blessed with an incredible love, and know that even though it's duration here on earth may have seemed brief when compared to some people's "forever," that your love will live just as long and that some day when you reach the place that your love now calls home, you will be able to live out forever as you intended. But in the meantime, rest. You will find yourself exhausted in the search for normalcy, and while I applaud your seizing all opportunities to pull yourself through, I also want you to know that rest is allowed and required. Be with God and allow God to be with you ... silent ... in the same room as your maker. Because there's something really magnificent and magical about knowing you've been created for a purpose, but moreover, there's something inexplicable about resting your soul in the arms of the one who made it be and loves it so.

Sing hallelujah. Rise from your seat and sing hallelujah that you are not alone in this endeavor and that peace and hope and full life await you. Please seize it. I pray you do.

Sincerely,

Ryn