(Never think that what you do doesn't make a difference. I made this the other day and I see it everywhere now. How amazing?!? Totally didn't intend that. But what about any of these recent events has been intended by us? Nothing. But everything was divinely intended by a living and loving God. Case and point? Keep reading.)
Since this morning I have experienced tests of boldness that, because of the legacy God left through Olivia, I was able to complete. I've known that Mountain Man was going to be at Gardendale Baptist for a few weeks and had planned on going to the service.
I was late ... of course ... but managed to find a seat on the outside aisle near the back. I came in just before the pastor called for the faith family to greet each other, which is always awkward. A few people said "Hi" and shook my hand but one woman that I caught staring in my direction out of my peripheral vision, came over to me and hugged my neck, told me her name (which I don't remember,) and then asked for mine. Following that was a series of praise songs that moved people to their feet and hands into the air. I wanted so badly to raise my hands in praise to Him but the thought that I knew NO ONE in the building made that desire seem unconquerable. As I sat there in my pity and lonesomeness, I remembered Olivia's boldness and the boldness that her family showed as they introduced their daughter to the world and to heaven. Slowly my hands moved up. I prayed for the boldness that God showed me through the lady in front of me that I am SURE was equipped with Barbie joints because her arms never left the sky. Suddenly, I was overcome with comfort. There was nothing to have been scared of.
Once the worship was over we were asked to return to our seats, which I gladly did because I always choose the most uncomfortable shoes based simply on cuteness (because clearly that matters to Jesus ...). Mountain Man came up and shared his testimony which included several things that I needed to hear. Namely: "I start my day every morning asking God how I should use this day." HELLO RYN, duh.
After Mountain Man's testimony the preacher returned to the podium and talked about Jesus being the only way to happiness. He's quite charismatic ... much more so than the slow talking man who had just vacated the same podium. At the end of the message he said, "I didn't do this in the first service but I feel led to do it now, if any of you have a profession of faith or would like to give up your way of life and live solely for Him please come. I would like to personally pray over you." I sat there in my seat thinking, "I've been a Christian forever I don't need to go down there. Why do I need to go down there? Who is going to talk to me? I know no one in this church. If I go I won't get to meet Mountain Man. I'm 26 and I've probably done this 4 times already. If I go I'll not have as much time this afternoon to do what I need to get done. But, God why did you chose me when I'm so unworthy to be close to this family in this time when I've not laid eyes on them in eight years? There are things in my life that make me SO unworthy of Your calling." ... And that's when it hit me. I needed to go and put aside the things in my life that were holding me back from a life being lived in a sold out manner to Him. Ohhhh but I sure didn't want to. Oh boy did I not want to.
And then she walked by. The lady who had been staring at me earlier walked down my side of the aisle, when she was sitting on the ENTIRE OTHER SIDE and there was another aisle that led straight to the preacher that would've been easier for her to take. This lady was older than me, maybe close to 60, which debunked my age argument altogether. I argued with myself a little while longer while, in the background, I could hear the pastor saying "Don't let the enemy convince you otherwise." I saw her standing there, unashamed, and prayed for boldness once again. It was so hard to do, but I rose slowly out of my seat and walked to the altar with so many emotions. I stood near her because she was the only one I had really connected with. I didn't expect her to notice, it was just comfortable for me. I had my eyes closed, in prayer but also to shield me from the eyes of the people looking at me that I didn't know, and suddenly I felt her embrace me in the most sincere hug. And then she prayed a prayer that I will never forget. "I don't know her God but you're going to use her in a mighty way, I can feel it. Oh, I can feel it." She finished her prayer in whispers so I don't know exactly what she prayed, but I'm sure it was for Him to intervene.
He prayed over us and dismissed us to talk with another person about our decision of faith. By the way, she and I were standing at the foot of that altar with almost FORTY OTHER PEOPLE. We walked in front of the multitudes to another room, and waited on more "encouragers" to be available to speak with. AMEN to needing more volunteers to welcome decision makers for Christ. I was handed a sheet of paper to read over and write my name. As I was doing this, the lady whose name I forgot came over to me and said, "Honey you are JUST beautiful. I didn't even look up at you but you are." ... Keep in mind that at this point my tear ducts have emptied all over my face and at best I look like a HOT MESS. But further indication that she was sent to comfort me in a place that I felt so isolated.
I waited for an encourager to speak with for about five minutes and then a very kind lady found me and she and I found a place to sit and talk. At first I was very uncomfortable. Not because of her but because I didn't know how to tell her that I already knew Jesus but that I just needed to publicly profess that I wanted to live for Him and not for myself. She asked me what lead me to my decision and I started explaining to her that a friend of mine had a sister that was in a terrible car wreck and had passed away this morning. She stopped me and said, "Oh! Well she's in heaven with my daughter!" ...Woah... I told her that I had known Jesus for a long time but that there were some things in my life that I would like to put away so that they didn;t stand in the way of my walk with Him. The conversation that ensued was breath taking. She knew what I was going through. And as she spoke, tears came rushing down my face and I couldn't control it. The tears weren't sad or happy tears, I was completely overcome by His divine timing and placement. She and I finished our conversation and had to wait to get the "book giver outer" to come back in the room so I could get my book. Which I would find out in just a minute was pretty crucial.
I got my book and went on my merry little way to see if Mountain Man was still in the house. He was, and thankfully the line had significantly shortened according to the other line members. I stood in line thinking, how could God use this man in this place this week? What is it that I could say to him or ask him that would make this about more than just getting an autograph? It seemed so selfish of me. I opened the book that was to teach me about the decision that I had made to follow Christ and I flipped to the back page and wrote (mispelled) #livelikefliv and #LoveLikeJesus. As my turn approached I prayed that God would give me the boldness to share Olivia's story with Mountain Man and with the people remaining in the line that would also hear. He delivered. As I shared her story, people in the line started saying things like "Hey, I read about that!"
Mountain Man, being not the most outwardly emotional facial expressor, looked so taken back. Almost like he had to find his own breath to breathe. His words were, "She's up yonder now, and that's awesome!" He then signed his name and addressed Olivia with the words, "Heaven is good." I hugged his neck and told him that he would have no idea the impact that this would have on the family.
You see, every single detail of my morning worked out for His glory. He forced me into "GO BOLD OR GO HOME" situations and I had to make decisions. He took me out of my comfort zone and I had to stay there to accomplish His mission. I pray that Mountain Man will continue to read Olivia's story and other stories that inspire his walk and keep him grounded in a career that could easily move him away from God. You were bold today, Mountain Man, in the message you sent to a hurting family. Thank you for answering His call. Go forth in boldness, UmmmmmmHmmmmm! ;)
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