Praying through the struggle: His blatant provisioning.

For several weeks I have been praying very hard for God to show me if He would like for me to continue the efforts of my blog. I struggle with this so much because the very last thing I want is to be viewed as anything more than what I am, His servant. My efforts in this have been solely to glorify Him and not to glorify me at all. I hope that you precious readers out there are blessed by the message that He sends through me. 

My prayers were answered last night in real face to face conversations. As I walked in to church, both greeters said "Hey! Aren't you the girl who writes that blog? I'll never forget your story. It blessed my heart to much." I was likely standing there in front of them with my jaw on the ground because of how blatant this answer from God was. After the service, I was standing and talking to a friend of mine from the single's ministry and two ladies walked by who were talking about me and my blog. I HEAR YOU BIG GUY. 10-4. 

The message last night was based around Acts 20:22-24 which says, "22 And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, 23 except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. 24 But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." 

These verses answered my prayers to its entirety. I prayed that God give me a sign of yes or no, but I prayed that if the answer is yes that He would show me exactly how to exalt Him and not myself. These verses hit the spot. 

You see, putting your heart out there for all of the Internet to see can be very scary and also invites the critics to rip apart not only your writing but also your argument. The night before church I had a long conversation with my friend Laura from church. We discussed how we didn't understand why God would choose us to do the various things we have been called to do. I remembered, then, Josh Moody's lesson on Moses in Exodus 3&4. Moses' two questions were, "Who am I that You would choose me?" And "Who shall I say sent me?" To which God answered, "But I will be with you, tell them I AM has sent you." What's so cool about this answer is that God doesn't even directly answer or reference Moses' initial question about himself. God says, "But I will be with you." As we talked about it last night I realized that I ask the same questions to God. Moreover, as I analyzed God's word surrounding that, I realized just how arrogant of a question that is to ask of the one who fashioned my soul. He knows me better than I know me, yet I question Him. WHO AM I TO THINK I KNOW IT ALL? Arrogant. 

My high school English teachers would likely all tell you that they wish I had enjoyed writing as much in high school. I hated it. That's how I know it's His gift. (Not that I'm good at it. I could definitely afford to employ a talented editor because my efforts are measly.) He moves us out of our comfort zones for His glory. 

I have a confession to make. When I began my journey from church to church, I wasn't looking for God. I was looking for people. God knows how relational our hearts are, but His plan for me to join a group of singles who have a heart of sincere worship came to pass in His time. He sent me to the right place and developed things at the right time, and since then has begun to develop a desire in me to be a stagehand and not the star of the show. 

Please know that there isn't a single post or message posted in regard's to Him that isn't fervently prayed over. A prayer that He reaches into the hearts of the readers and turns up the all consuming fire in your hearts with every single word. A prayer that your soul would find a hunger within it and that you are made well aware that He is the only satisfaction for it. A thirst only He can quench. 

Today I had a revelation that I shared with a few of my friends and I'd like to share it here in hopes that it speaks to you the very way He spoke to me today. Please know that your heart specifically has been prayed for and considered. God appointed your reading of this, let Him be the light that shines through these words into your life. 

" Oh yeah, he's a vicious beast. God has given me an amazing sense of purpose though. I know there's earthly pain, but God's just shown me that THAT is where we have been gifted in Him. We go through struggles on earth so that we can search and find Him and through that He's able to give us a glimpse to His soul. You know, there are lots of times that I think, "Man, I wish that I could just sit with the maker all day and do nothing but bask in His glory." But then He reminds me, "That's what heaven is for, your soul has a very specifically appointed purpose on earth and through Me you'll achieve it. And troubles will come but when your focus is on me, all of that will be peripheral and fade into the abyss. Satan is real, but I am infinitely more powerful." I don't know, it's a peace about universal purpose and about the way we view him. It's easy for us to go around and see the world through human eyes, but think about how different it would be if we were physically able to see and be a part of heaven, but live on earth. We would treat it so differently. But that's what is so important about faith and the real life that abounds when it's practiced. I dunno, I just love The Lord. :) "

Be blessed tonight, sweet readers and please feel free to share this with your friends. And to the four sweet ladies that affirmed my prayers, God used you last night and you didn't even know. Thank you!